


And all the problems that we dance around (are hanging in the midnight air)

by eleventhousandstars



Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-02-27 19:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18745924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleventhousandstars/pseuds/eleventhousandstars
Summary: They finally have a chance to relax.But can they relax when their minds are busying thinking about all the things that have happened to them and all the things that remain unspoken between them? And while she looks around at Valentina's messy room, Juliana decides they really need to tidy up, or at least do some laundry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \---  
> They never sat down and talked with each other about how they were feeling and what they were thinking.  
> Sometimes, a few things were confessed to each other after returning home from a particularly draining therapy session. Or at the end of a long day. Or after reuniting after being apart for a few days.  
> Or sometimes, things were quietly revealed in the dark in the middle of the night after one of them had woken up from a nightmare.  
> But the words always seemed to be quickly replaced by kisses and hugs and physical reassurances that everything was going to be ok.  
> \---
> 
> Set a few weeks after the finale episode.
> 
> \---

Juliana lay on Valentina’s bed and scrolled through her phone aimlessly. Yawning softly, she turned over onto her other side, starting to get bored of doing nothing. She looked up at her girlfriend, sitting on the window seat with her legs up. 

Valentina looked angelic, lit from behind by the morning light outside. It was a grey, overcast day, but the light still created an almost halo effect around Valentina’s slim silhouette. 

Valentina looked relaxed. Peaceful. At rest. As if she hadn’t just experienced what Juliana knew were the worst three months of her life. 

Valentina sat at the window scrolling through her phone slowly, stopping every so often to comment on a picture or to text somebody about something.

Occasionally, she paused, set down her phone for a few moments and stared out of the window to watch the world go by. She watched the clouds move and the birds in the trees, and she watched as a security guard slowly walked along the grass, patrolling the grounds of her house. 

But soon enough, Valentina resumed her scrolling on her phone and became engrossed once more with reading something on the internet. 

Juliana was trying to do the same thing. She was trying to relax and occupy her mind by playing on her phone. But to her, that was boring, it didn’t occupy her mind for long enough, it was like she was doing nothing with her time, and she got bored within ten minutes. She wasn’t into social media in the same way Valentina was. Valentina had only just convinced her to join Instagram, where Juliana had happily posted a few photos and every so often, checked what other people were posting. She enjoyed seeing a photo of herself that Valentina had took without her noticing and she enjoyed looking at posts from celebrities and she enjoyed scrolling through Instagram profiles of Vogue or fashion houses. 

But she couldn’t sit there for hours on her phone like Valentina could. 

And that morning, Juliana’s mind was buzzing with activity.

There were so many things she wanted to say to Valentina. So many things she needed to say. 

She had wanted to confess them all to Valentina last night, but last night she was scared to confess them, she didn't want to ruin their happy evening together.

And right now, Juliana didn’t want to ruin her girlfriend’s peace. 

So instead, Juliana continued to stare at Valentina longingly. 

The taller girl was oblivious to Juliana watching her. For a few moments, she stared dreamingly out the window before picking up her phone again and lazily scrolling through Instagram. 

Juliana traced the details of Valentina’s face with her gaze, those dimples in her face, those lovely long eyelashes, that adorable nose, and then traced the line of her jaw, watching how Valentina’s jaw twitched slightly as she started to read something on her phone. 

Then, Valentina quickly and purposefully ran her tongue over her top teeth, her mouth twitched to the side and she blinked quickly as she scrolled down on her phone, almost as if she was wanting to forget about whatever she just read. 

A small frown appeared on Juliana’s face as she wondered what Valentina had just read. She could tell from watching Valentina’s movements that she was anxious about something. Valentina herself was unaware of how she ran her tongue over her teeth or how her mouth twitched when she was anxious, but it was a movement Juliana had grown familiar with, she had observed many times before. 

But then, Juliana smiled because Valentina’s worry was gone from her face, Valentina now grinned wide in reaction to something else she saw on her phone. 

Valentina almost squealed in delight as she held out her phone for Juliana. 

Squinting, it took Juliana a second to realise she was looking at a selfie of Guille and Renata. In the background was a building that Juliana couldn’t see properly; the building was blurry, but that didn’t matter, the main focus of the photograph was Guille kissing Renata on the cheek. Juliana smiled and opened her mouth to speak, but Valentina anticipated her question. 

‘They’re in London!’ Valentina said, almost squealing as she looked at her phone again and continued to grin, ‘How cool is that?!’ 

It was a rhetorical question, Valentina said it to her phone, but Juliana still answered. 

‘Very cool.’ Juliana said quietly, smiling and continuing to stare at Valentina. She was too busy staring at Valentina to properly think about Guille and Renata travelling the world together. 

Valentina sighed softly and put down her phone, of course only after liking and commentating on Guille’s photo like the good little sister she was. She went back to staring dreamingly out of the window, looking as contented as ever, completely unaware that her girlfriend was continuing to stare at her affectionately.

Juliana couldn’t understand how the girl could look so relaxed. 

Juliana didn’t really do relaxing. She had spent her whole life on edge, waiting for her father to come home from his ‘other family’, knowing that he could easily abandon her and her mum at any moment, or when he was home, walking on eggshells around him to try to stop him from exploding in violence and hurting her mum, or her. 

And then, during the past few months, Juliana had never run away from so much in her life. She ran away from San Antonio, ran away to a different country, ran away to a different city. And then she ran away from home. All the while continuing to run from the narcos who chased her wherever she went.

And when she stopped running for a moment, when she paused to take a breather, she was kidnapped. 

Juliana knew there was no danger of that now. She knew the narcos were dead. And she knew that as Valentina Carvajal’s girlfriend, as announced on national television, she had the best security team in Mexico making sure no harm would come to her or her girlfriend. 

Juliana knew they were patrolling the road outside. Juliana knew they were keeping a close eye on anybody going in or out the gate. Juliana knew they were walking around in the grounds. 

But she still found it hard to relax. To do nothing. To sit still. It was something she just couldn’t seem to do. 

Even within the safe confines of Valentina’s house. Even when she could see the high walls and fences that separated the Carvajal mansion from the rest of the world. Even within the safe confines of Valentina’s bedroom, where everything was peaceful and quiet and she didn’t have to worry about anything else, Juliana was having trouble relaxing. 

Instead of relaxing, her mind was spurring into action. It was worrying. 

Juliana’s thoughts were going round and round and round in her head and she was partly staring at her girlfriend to distract herself from them. 

This was the first chance she’d had to relax in a while, but she just couldn’t do it. 

It was the first time they’d both relaxed since the mania and chaos had ended. 

The girls had waved goodbye to Renata and Guille, off on their big trip around the world, and then had found themselves wondering what to do now that all the chaos was over and everything was relatively quiet. 

Relatively quiet because they still had problems to deal with and things going on, but their everyday lives were no longer fraught with running from narcos and their relationship was no longer threatened by outside sources that attempted to break them apart. 

They didn’t stay still for long though; they had their own things to be getting on with. Juliana decided to start applying for fashion schools and Valentina focused her attention on her university course, she had some big exams coming up in the next few months. 

Nevertheless, that morning they had decided to take a break from responsibility. 

Valentina had announced that she’d like a day at home with Juliana doing nothing and Juliana had happily agreed to it, smiling when she realised she hadn’t had a chance to relax in a while, maybe ever. 

They had started their day with a large, lazy breakfast in bed. The ate pancakes and granola and enjoyed chatting, laughing and feeding each other pieces of strawberry. 

Then, they showered together and took their time in more ways than one. 

Then, after showering, they lounged about in their towels for a good hour and then took the time to pamper one another by drying each other’s hair. They both enjoyed doing something they normally would be too rushed to do, although they both also made their complaints known – Juliana complained that Valentina’s hair took ages to dry because it was so long, and Valentina complained that Juliana’s hair took longer to dry because it was so thick and luscious.

Admittedly, Juliana had found herself relaxed then. 

But Juliana realised that that was because she had something to occupy her mind with and something to occupy her hands with. She had a task to do, whether that was ‘eat’ or ‘make out with Valentina’. 

And now, with nothing to do, nothing to do but pointlessly scrolling through her phone, Juliana was finding it hard to relax. 

However, Juliana did enjoy staring at her girlfriend. She looked so tranquil, Valentina seemingly the opposite of what Juliana was feeling. Juliana wondered how Valentina could switch everything off so easily. 

Granted, Valentina hadn’t switched everything off – she had been playing on her phone a minute ago, but right now, Valentina sat peacefully watching everything out of the window, still unaware that Juliana was staring at her.

Valentina looked so content that Juliana began to grow jealous of her girlfriend’s abilities to switch off. 

Why didn’t Valentina also feel like there was something she needed to be doing right now?

Because that’s what was annoying Juliana. She felt guilty for even trying to relax. 

Why could Valentina relax but she couldn’t? 

Juliana knew that Valentina came from another world. Maybe Valentina never felt like something bad was about to happen, the way Juliana often did, the way Juliana had often felt growing up. 

Maybe that was it, maybe it was their different upbringings. 

Juliana had quite a difficult experience in comparison to Valentina, she was poor, barely had enough food to eat at times, had a father who didn’t acknowledge she was his daughter and had a mother who wouldn’t accept Chino’s faults, she had spent her childhood on edge. 

In contrast, Valentina was rich, she was wealthy, she always had everything and anything she ever wanted, who wouldn’t be relaxed with that childhood? 

But suddenly, Juliana was shocked she’d so easily forgotten about Valentina’s own devastating experiences. 

Valentina’s mother had passed away when she was young, and then, a few years later, her family had sent her to boarding school in Canada when she was still not ‘over’ her mother’s death. 

Juliana’s heart ached again when she remembered how more recently, Valentina had gone through heart-breaking devastation and horrible experiences. 

She was left an orphan at the young age of 22 when her father had died. Not just died, he was murdered. At his own wedding. Right in front of his family. Right in front of Valentina. 

So, Valentina turned to alcohol to cope. She became reliant on alcohol to deal with her emotions. She partied and she took drugs and she drank alcohol to try to escape her life.

Then, as she was starting to recover, she was held hostage in her own house, threatened with a gun and threatened in other ways too. 

Then, her ex-boyfriend had been murdered in front of Valentina, in the process of trying to stop Valentina from worrying about Juliana who had been kidnapped. 

Then, Valentina’s step mother, widowed after her father’s death, someone whom Valentina loved so dearly, was killed by her father’s business partner. She was murdered in the garden, right near the house, so close to the house that if Juliana craned her neck just an inch, she would see the very spot where it happened. 

And then, Valentina found out her step mother and her murderer had conspired to con her father and were responsible for his death. 

Meanwhile, Valentina discovered that her father had been alive all along, watching everything unfold, albeit in a different body, in the body of Juliana’s father, and had been pretending to be a driver working for her family. 

But that joyous discovery didn’t last for long when it was revealed that Valentina’s sister, someone Valentina trusted with her whole life, someone who had cared so much for Valentina, had betrayed the family company and was embezzling funds to narcos. 

And Valentina had watched as her sister had given herself up and was arrested, taken away, locked up for god knows how long. 

Juliana worried about all those things that happened to Valentina. 

All the things that happened to both of them. 

Slowly, as she stared harder at Valentina, Juliana began to acknowledge that perhaps Valentina wasn’t fully relaxed. 

She looked relaxed now, but Juliana knew there were things going on in her mind. She had watched how, just a few minutes previously, Valentina’s mouth twitched anxiously in response to something she read on her phone. 

And currently, Valentina did look like she was staring dreamingly out of the window, but there was a slight crease at her brow and a squint of her eyes, as if she was thinking hard about something or making a difficult decision. 

Juliana wondered what Valentina was thinking about. Valentina had a lot to think about, to worry over, to decide on. 

Juliana thought about which of those things Valentina was ruminating over in her mind or maybe whether instead, she was worrying about the future.

Juliana thought about last night, how she was so close to talking to Valentina about everything. 

But especially about what happened yesterday, when Valentina had visited Eva in prison for the first time. 

Juliana knew how hard it was for Valentina to see her sister after everything she had done. Valentina had arrived back at the house yesterday afternoon shaking and in tears. She cried and cried but never expressed how she was feeling. And after about an hour, Valentina had quickly dried up her tears and as planned, they went out to a fancy restaurant for the evening and enjoyed an amazing meal.

They never talked about Valentina’s tears. 

They never really talked about anything that had happened. Everything they experienced. Everything they were experiencing. 

And Juliana began to wonder if that was the healthy way to deal with things. 

They both attended therapy sessions and Juliana knew they were at least immensely helping herself to work through her own thoughts and feelings. 

But they never sat down and talked with each other about how they were feeling and what they were thinking. 

At least not properly. Or for long. 

Sometimes, a few things were confessed to each other after returning home from a particularly draining therapy session. Or at the end of a long day. Or after reuniting after being apart for a few days. 

Or sometimes, things were quietly revealed in the dark in the middle of the night after one of them had woken up from a nightmare. 

But the words always seemed to be quickly replaced by kisses and hugs and physical reassurances that everything was going to be ok. 

And it was. 

Everything was going to be ok. 

But Juliana wondered if they should talk to each other about things more often. 

She wondered if Valentina found everything as hard as she did. 

She wondered if Valentina worried about some of the same things as she did.

She wondered whether Valentina ever wanted to talk about her sister. 

She wondered whether Valentina ever want to talk about how horrible everything was. 

But how could Juliana bring it up without making Valentina upset? Without making herself feel upset. 

Or was Valentina also thinking that she didn’t want to bring it up because that might upset her girlfriend? 

Did Valentina know that Juliana would be there for her if she ever wanted to talk about how she was feeling? 

Juliana quickly caught herself. 

If she thought for any longer, if she mulled over more questions in her head, she would start crying and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to turn a happy day into a miserable day, when they’d had enough of those to last forever and when Valentina had seemingly forgot about all the things that were currently worrying Juliana. 

Juliana blinked twice quickly to distract herself. There was only so much worrying she could do, and today was not for worrying. She refocused her mind to think about her surroundings, the first thing she had been taught to do when she felt her thoughts spiralling. 

Where was she? 

She was safe. She was safe in Valentina’s house. In Valentina’s bedroom. Lying on Valentina’s bed. 

What was she doing?

Staring at her girlfriend. Her girlfriend who she loved very much. Her beautiful, amazing, wonderful girlfriend. 

But suddenly Juliana’s thoughts went back to the first question. 

Yes, she was in Valentina’s room. But it was a very messy room. 

And Juliana started to get anxious about the mess. 

Valentina’s room was the messiest Juliana had ever seen it. 

Juliana pondered over another question in her head – how could Valentina relax with all the mess that surrounded them? 

Juliana quickly glanced around the room and sighed at the mess she saw. 

She knew that Silvina had tried to keep it clean but had given up after a few days, and she didn’t blame her. Frequent visits from Juliana created twice the amount of mess and when the girls were home, which was often, they spent nearly all their time locked inside Valentina’s bedroom and Chivis couldn’t keep up. 

And consequently, although Juliana didn't blame Chivis for that, Valentina’s room was a disaster. It looked like a bomb had hit it. 

Clothes were sprawled chaotically throughout the room. The rubbish bin was overflowing. There were used face wipes all over the top of Valentina’s chest of drawers. 

But the floor was where most of the mess was. You could still see the carpet, but you had to tread carefully to not step on anything. There was everything and everything on the floor – wet towels, tangled jewellery, cushions, dresses, underwear, magazines, jeans, even odd shoes had been discarded carelessly on the floor, with no sign of their pair.

Juliana, lying on the bed, was somehow leaning on one of Valentina’s textbooks (how did it even get onto the bed?!) and Juliana was pretty sure Valentina’s laptop was somewhere on the floor underneath the mess, just waiting to get stepped on. 

But Juliana couldn’t just blame Valentina. It was her mess too. 

The Carvajal mansion wasn’t technically her home, Juliana continued to live at her mum’s apartment, but she did sleep over several nights a week. And she had quickly got bored of packing a bag every time she went over to Valentina’s house for a night or two, so she had her own toothbrush and deodorant at Valentina’s house and Valentina had allocated one of her drawers to Juliana to leave her clothes in.

Juliana was close to her mum and she still enjoyed living in an apartment together, it was much more comfortable than the small trailer they had lived in in San Antonio, where Juliana slept on the couch in the main living space, and Juliana liked having a secure home environment with her mum. 

But Juliana relished in the opportunity to escape every so often. She didn’t feel scared leaving her mum alone, as she would have done in San Antonio, Juliana knew there would be no violent El Chino returning home drunk. And, Panchito was often there to keep her mum company. Juliana liked Panchito, he was kind, both to her and her mum, and Juliana could certainly imagine how Panchito kept her mum occupied when Juliana was gone.

Valentina’s house was large and grand. It had an excessive number of bedrooms for the number of occupants and had a TV room, a swimming pool and a tennis court. It was completely the opposite of what Juliana was used to, and sometimes, the house felt a little too big, but Valentina was always there, which was obviously a big drawing point. And Juliana loved Valentina’s bedroom; it felt homely and cosy.

Sadly, Juliana had never had a permanent bedroom of her own and she never got the chance to decorate her own room with framed pictures or photographs like Valentina’s bedroom was. She loved how it made Valentina’s room feel permanent and set in stone, as if Valentina wasn’t ever going to leave. The decorations also made the room feel like Valentina, it reflected Valentina’s personality, it looked like Valentina. 

But, every day, Valentina’s room became more like Juliana’s room too. 

A few months ago, Juliana’s possessions had fitted into a rucksack. That’s all she had escaped from San Antonio with, just a rucksack worth of possessions, she didn’t own much, and her clothes took up much of the space in that rucksack. 

Since living in Mexico City, Juliana had steadily increased the amount of possessions she owned. Juliana had bought herself new sketchbooks and pencils so she could draw and design more. Juliana’s mum had bought her a new pair of Converse trainers with her first substantial pay check, as promised, and Juliana had bought herself a few new clothes. And of course, Valentina had bought her a designer dress. 

By this point, Juliana and Valentina’s wardrobe had merged. In her chest of drawers, Valentina had allocated the bottom drawer for Juliana’s clothes and whatever Juliana brought over to Valentina’s house was neatly placed there. But, every morning, they took whatever they fancied from whatever drawer and whatever was Juliana’s, became Valentina’s too. 

Sharing clothes with her girlfriend was something Juliana didn’t mind doing. Since she’d known her, Valentina had let Juliana borrow numerous items of her own clothing and so Juliana didn’t mind when Valentina picked something from her drawer.

And so, as Juliana looked around Valentina’s room, she spotted her t-shirt on the desk chair, her Converses by the door and her jeans in the large pile of laundry waiting to be washed. Juliana’s sketchbooks were in a relatively neat pile on Valentina’s desk, but Juliana couldn’t even recall whether her colouring pencils were at Valentina’s or not. If they were, they were hidden somewhere in the mess, waiting to get broken. 

But the girls had been too busy with other things to worry about a messy bedroom. 

Valentina was too busy mourning Lucia, supporting her dad, helping Juliana apply for fashion schools, concentrating on her journalism course, going to therapy, teaching Juliana to swim, treating her girlfriend to posh meals at restaurants, visiting Eva in prison…

And Juliana was busy living in two places, researching fashion schools, hanging out with her girlfriend, going to posh restaurants with Valentina, spending time with her mum, learning how to swim, going to therapy, designing clothes… 

But today, Juliana knew that they finally needed to tidy up, or at least do some laundry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentina sighed as she looked back out onto the now bird-less garden. It wasn’t a natural predator that had scared off the birds, it was quite the opposite, something that was completely unnatural, something that shouldn’t be needed – a security guard. Valentina wished it was something else, a bigger bird or some other animal looking for prey. Not a stupid security guard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we get to see some of Valentina's thoughts. 
> 
> This chapter contains descriptions of panic attacks and anxiety.

Valentina stared out of the window of her bedroom. She always liked how her bedroom overlooked the grounds and the large garden of the Carvajal mansion. How she could see everything from her bedroom window – the swimming pool, the entrance gate, the sculptures on the lawn, the studio and the tennis courts.

She was so lucky to have this view. 

The garden was looking particularly green today, Valentina thought, maybe in part to the recent weather. It seemed to have rained for three days straight now and yesterday was the worst day of them all – it had rained steadily all day, but then the afternoon gave way to a deluge of rain accompanied a massive thunderstorm. 

Valentina smiled to herself when she thought about how the weather yesterday had perfectly mirrored her mood – miserable, grey and angry. 

Today though, Valentina was feeling better. Her mood was helped immensely by a lovely evening at a fancy restaurant with her amazing girlfriend and an even lovelier morning lazing about at home with her aforementioned amazing girlfriend. 

And the weather was better today too. It was looking a little brighter outside; there were no dark grey clouds full of thunder overhead and although the sky was still overcast with a blanket of white clouds and the sun was struggling to emerge from behind them, at least it wasn’t raining today. 

But the weather still justified a lazy day at home and that’s exactly what Valentina was doing. And she needed it. She didn’t even need to justify her lazy day. She needed a day when all she had to do was nothing but stare out of the window and enjoy the garden. 

The nature was enjoying the better weather, having been kept away by the elements for the last few days. Valentina watched as a squirrel flew up the side of the tree frantically chasing something and then wanted to laugh at the fact that there were at least five birds in the garden, not flying in the sky like they should, but rather lazily walking along the grass in a group. 

Valentina watched the birds for a few minutes as they continued their long walk across the lawn, occasionally plucking at the ground and sometimes annoying each other by flapping their wings and squawking.

But suddenly, they all flew away. Valentina frowned slightly as she wondered what had scared them off. She didn’t have to wonder for long when she sensed movement to her right and then turned to see a figure in a suit walking along a path towards the house.

Valentina sighed as she looked back out onto the now bird-less garden. It wasn’t a natural predator that had scared off the birds, it was quite the opposite, something that was completely unnatural, something that shouldn’t be needed – a security guard. Valentina wished it was something else, a bigger bird or some other animal looking for prey. Not a stupid security guard, who all seemed to do nothing other than walk up and down in the garden all day for no reason whatsoever. It was so pointless having them. 

No, their job was not pointless, Valentina thought, she knew they were just trying to keep her safe. She knew they were hired and were there to protect her and her family. 

And Valentina needed them there more than she’d like to admit. When she woke from her recurrent nightmares about Johnny walking through the garden ready to kill another person she loved or when she imagined how easily the Armenta cartel could run up to her bedroom and threaten her with a gun to her face, Valentina was reassured by the sight of a security guard in the garden. It was often one of the first things she’d do if she felt scared or awoke from a nightmare, she’d run to the window, pull back the curtains and waited until she spotted a man dressed in a suit slowly walk down a path. 

Only then would she feel safe again. 

It was as much relief to her as what Camilo had told her to do whenever she felt herself panicking. Which, admittedly, also helped Valentina a whole lot. Initially, Valentina had scoffed at the idea of getting therapy because she didn’t think it would help, but she was wrong.

It was Juliana who first mentioned anything about therapy. Juliana had quietly announced that she had talked to her mum and they’d decided she needed someone to talk to. Someone Juliana could talk to about what happened during the kidnapping. All Valentina could think about was why Juliana couldn’t just talk to her, she was there, she would support Juliana if she wanted to talk, Valentina wondered that if Juliana needed to speak to someone, why couldn’t it be her? 

Valentina had smiled in response to Juliana’s admission, she supported her girlfriend, but then they had quickly moved on to talking about something else, or more likely, making out with each other. 

It was only after Valentina had a long conversation with her dad the next evening, that she started to understand the reasons why Juliana had wanted to speak to someone. It took her dad to remind her, he was there of course, how Juliana was threatened more than once with a gun and had escaped only because of her own quick thinking, so of course she might want to talk through that experience with someone. It took her dad to point out that Juliana’s kidnapping was tied up in Valentina’s head with Lucho’s death. Valentina didn’t mention how Juliana’s experience was also terribly messed up in her head because of what happened between Juliana and Sergio. 

Leon explained how he thought it was brave of Juliana to realise she wanted to talk to someone. And then, then he calmly reminded Valentina that if she wanted to talk to someone, she could if she wanted to, Camilo would happily help her. 

Valentina had scoffed loudly, taken aback at such a suggestion, and then defended herself by explaining that she was happy with what Camilo had prescribed her and that was enough, she didn’t need to talk to him as well. Leon had nodded and quickly changed the topic of conversation, but later that evening, Valentina thought it over in her head. 

She concluded that maybe, just maybe, it would help her. 

And she hoped that talking to someone had helped Juliana. Valentina had almost jumped on Juliana when she next got the chance to see her. She was genuinely interested in how it went but Juliana was, as usual, shy and didn’t admit much about what happened, all she said was that her therapist was called Marco, it was useful, it was good to talk to someone, but that she didn’t want to talk about it. 

Valentina was elated when she realised Juliana looked more relieved that day. It may have been coincidental, but Juliana seemed happier and slightly less shy, carrying confidence around with her in a way Valentina hadn’t witnessed before.

And later that day, Valentina admitted to her dad that although she was hesitant, she was thinking about speaking to someone too. She had seen how Juliana had reacted and she had thought about it and decided she would like to go to therapy too. Leon had hugged her and had immediately called Camilo, who scheduled an appointment for Valentina the very next day. 

Uncharacteristically, Valentina had been quiet during her first appointment. She was nervous to open up to Camilo, even if she had known him for her whole life, it felt weird when Camilo asked her what she wanted to talk about, and Valentina didn’t know where to begin. And then, when Camilo asked her simpler questions in an attempt to start addressing her inner demons, like when was the last time she felt scared, Valentina’s mind shut down, and answered, ‘I don’t know’ with a shrug of her shoulders. Even though she did know the answer – the last time she was scared was when she woke up from a nightmare earlier that morning. 

Camilo noted that Valentina was seemingly hesitant to give anything away and so, not wanting their time to be wasted, Camilo taught Valentina something that she had since found rather useful. He explained how Valentina could calm herself down if she ever felt scared or panicked or was about to have an anxiety attack. 

Step 1 – acknowledge what you’re feeling  
Step 2 – start taking deep breaths to calm your breathing  
Step 3 – focus on something else to distract yourself, look down and inspect your shoes for dirt or look up and watch the clouds in the sky. 

Valentina remembered how stupid she felt when she tried it out with Camilo in her session. 

And then she felt stupid again when she tried it out for the first time the other evening. She couldn’t even remember what she had been worrying about or what had caused her to start panicking and overthinking things in her mind, but she started taking deep breaths and distracted herself by picking off a stain she hadn’t even noticed had appeared on her jeans, feeling stupid that she was even having to distract herself from something by focusing on the stain instead of the thoughts in her mind. 

But soon enough, Valentina had found that she had calmed herself down, all on her own. 

She was secretly rather proud, knowing now that she could do that. She could stop herself from panicking. She knew how to stop herself from panicking. So, although she was hesitant at first, therapy was helping. 

Today however, Valentina was definitely not in a state of panic. She was relatively calm, feeling peaceful but still not helping herself by letting anxious thoughts go round and round in her head. She was mainly thinking about how she did feel panicked yesterday, when she had visited Eva in prison. 

Valentina didn’t want to visit Eva, but she knew it was about time.

Guille had visited Eva twice before he went away and her dad visited Eva regularly, but Valentina hadn’t wanted to. Even when Guille had offered for Valentina to accompany him, the day before he was going travelling with Renata, Valentina had refused. She didn’t want to see her sister in prison, she didn’t want to see her sister. 

But then, the other day, Valentina overheard her dad talking on the phone to Guille after visiting Eva, and what they discussed brought Valentina to her senses. 

Eva’s situation was complex. She was Eva Carvajal, the eldest Carvajal sibling and the media were inevitably interested in her case. Her involvement with drug cartels and the fact she was pregnant added even more interest to her story, the media could be like dogs and Eva’s story was juicy meat. To make things worse, no one had any idea how long this would all go on for. They had no idea how long Eva was going to be in prison for. She was still waiting for a date to be set for her trial, she could be waiting months just for a date to be set. They might not even allow a trial to happen while she was pregnant, but when the trial did eventually happen, it could take months. And then, when she was finally sentenced, Eva could get years in prison. 

After overhearing all this, Valentina realised she had been ignoring the problem. She had been ignoring the problem and hoping it would go away. She hadn’t even wanted to discuss Eva with her dad, with Juliana, with Guille, with anyone. She was waiting for the problem to go away. But it would take years to go away because Eva was looking at years in prison. 

So, Valentina announced that she wanted to visit Eva. Her dad had offered to come with her, but Valentina had kindly turned down his offer, explaining that she wanted to see Eva on her own. 

But really, Valentina wanted Guille to be there with her. He was the only one who fully understood how she was feeling because he was in exactly the same position as she was, he too had to learn that his older sibling had betrayed their family and their legacy. Even their dad had a different viewpoint compared to Guille and Valentina. 

Valentina really wished that Guille was there with her. It would have made everything so much easier. It was a horrible experience having to go through airport style security just to see her sister and then be separated from her by a stupid glass partition and then not even get enough time to say all the things she wanted to say. It was horrible. And Valentina really wished that Guille was there to hug her afterwards. 

But he wasn’t. 

He was in London. 

Lucky devil. 

He was in London, getting to sightsee with his girlfriend while Valentina was stuck here having to worry about Eva and all sorts of other things. 

Maybe Guille was the smart one. He hopped on a plane and went away and so didn’t have to deal with any of the things that Valentina was dealing with. Maybe he was smart to take his girlfriend away travelling. Maybe Valentina should have done the same, taken Juliana away travelling to forget everything else happening. Valentina had once jokingly suggested to Guille that the four of them should run away together, and then Guille had done just that, run away to travel the world. 

Valentina slowly realised that her name was being said loudly several times by someone to her left and was suddenly disorientated. She blinked a few times to rid her brain of images of hopping off on a plane to an exciting new foreign country. 

‘Valentina!’ 

Valentina turned around and quickly remembered where she was. She wasn’t about to board a plane and go on holiday, she was sat in her bedroom in her house at her window seat and was now looking at a very confused Juliana, who was lying on the bed, smiling up at her, but had a look on her face that said, ‘Why didn’t you answer me?!’ 

‘Sorry I – I was uh-’ 

‘Daydreaming?’ Juliana joked. 

‘You ok?’ Valentina asked, as she rubbed her eyes and sat up straight, wondering why her girlfriend was trying to get her attention. 

‘We need to do laundry.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I only wrote about what I was taught to do if I experienced a panic attack, it works for me but I've often heard that other people have been taught to do different things :) 
> 
> Fluff is coming in later chapters I promise! 
> 
> However, I have got an exam this week and a dissertation to write so I won't be updating this for at least a week because the future chapters are still unfinished. 
> 
> P.S. I wrote another fic called 'Sisters' about Valentina visiting Eva in prison, check it out :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You have a laundry room?’
> 
> ‘Of course!’ Valentina said seriously, ‘Where else are you supposed to do laundry?’
> 
> Juliana started laughing hysterically, finding Valentina ridiculously endearing. She quickly leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend on her lips.
> 
> ‘I love you.’ Juliana said, giggling as she leaned in for another kiss, ‘I love you, Val. Because normally you have a washing machine, not a laundry room...’

‘We need to do laundry.’

‘Laundry?’ Valentina replied.

‘Yes, laundry!’ Juliana laughed, ‘We need to do laundry.’

‘We do?’

Juliana laughed at Valentina’s question.

‘Yes, Val, we do. Look around!’ Juliana gestured around the room.

It was indeed a mess, Valentina thought as she looked around the room. But she instead shrugged and smiled at her girlfriend.

‘I can’t be bothered to do laundry today, Juls, ok? Honestly I just want to sit with you and relax and do nothing.’

‘Val…’ Juliana whined.

‘The laundry can wait, Juls.’

‘It really can’t wait, Val.’

‘Please Juls, just relax, ok?’ Valentina smiled reassuringly and then slowly turned back around to look outside. She pretended not to hear Juliana’s loud protesting sighs as she did so.

Juliana couldn’t help sigh at Valentina’s request to ‘relax’. She couldn’t relax. Not today. Maybe not ever. She wanted to relax, but she couldn’t. And as she watched Valentina for a minute, Juliana now definitely doubted the other girl was relaxed either, Valentina’s brow was furrowed and she occasionally itched at her forehead as she looked to be thinking about something. Valentina was worrying rather than relaxing.

Juliana sighed to herself once more. She wanted to talk to Valentina. She wanted to ask her what was wrong. Why she was frowning and why she was worrying. And she didn’t understand why Valentina didn’t want to do laundry, when they really needed to. Juliana needed to distract herself from her own worrying and wanted Valentina to be distracted from her worries too.

So, Juliana quickly moved to sit on the desk chair and then leaned forward to grab hold of Valentina’s hand so her girlfriend couldn’t ignore her.

‘Look, Val, the laundry basket is overflowing and we’re running out of clean things...’ Juliana said seriously, before laughing and pointing at a shirt under Valentina’s legs, ‘And I mean, are you even aware that you’re sitting on dirty clothes right now?’

Valentina glanced down at her legs. She was indeed sitting on the shirt she wore yesterday. She quickly pulled the shirt from under her legs, scrunched it up in a ball and threw it to the other side of her room, so it landed on a large pile of other dirty laundry.

‘Not anymore I’m not!’ Valentina said before shrugging casually, ‘Problem sorted.’

Juliana laughed at Valentina's action but then sighed again when she realised her girlfriend was still reluctant. She reached out to take Valentina’s hand again.

‘Val… we _really_ need to do laundry.’ Juliana said, trying to hide the frustration she felt.

‘Go find Chivis then, she’ll do it for us.’ Valentina said, smiling.

Juliana sighed. She would happily admit that it was sometimes lovely having someone ready and waiting to do everything for and, up until this point, Silvina had done all of Juliana’s laundry so far, indeed, even the very first time Juliana came round to Valentina’s house, Silvina washed her shirt for her. But Juliana sometimes felt a little guilty about all Silvina did for them.

‘Come on, let’s go do our own laundry. Please Val, we have so much to do so I would feel bad if Silvina did all of it for us…’

Valentina leant forward and planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s nose.

‘Nope, because I can’t be bothered.’ Valentina said as she leaned back again, 'Go ask Chivis.' 

Juliana huffed. Her girlfriend could be difficult at times. 

Valentina picked up on her girlfriend's annoyance. 

‘Juliana, I’m sorry, but today I just don’t feel like doing laundry, ok?’ Valentina shrugged, nonchalant.

‘Fine then. I’m gonna do it myself!’ Juliana declared proudly.

Valentina smiled gently as Juliana went to stand up, relieved that her girlfriend had stopped pestering her. But then, Juliana suddenly realised she didn’t actually know where the washing machine was in Valentina’s house.

‘Ok, but where is your washing machine?’ Juliana enquired curiously.

Valentina smiled cheekily at the thought of knowing something her girlfriend didn’t.

‘Go find Chivis, she’ll show you where the laundry room is.’

Juliana couldn’t help her mouth opening in surprise. Did she hear that right?

‘Laundry room?’

‘Laundry room.’ Valentina repeated.

‘You have a laundry room?’

‘Of course!’ Valentina said seriously, ‘Where else are you supposed to do laundry?’

Juliana started laughing hysterically, finding Valentina ridiculously endearing. She quickly leaned forward to kiss her girlfriend on her lips.

‘I love you.’ Juliana said, giggling as she leaned in for another kiss, ‘I love you, Val. Because normally you have a washing machine, not a laundry room...’

Valentina’s cheeks blushed red in embarrassment as Juliana kissed her again. She couldn’t bear to look at Juliana when she pulled back but continued to smile at her.

Juliana grinned at her girlfriend, completely enamoured with Valentina’s naivety. And then she laughed at the thought of a laundry room. Valentina’s house had a laundry room. She had known Valentina to be rich. She knew that Valentina’s house was huge and that she still hadn’t explored all the rooms. But she hadn’t imagined that inside the Carvajal mansion there was a laundry room.

Juliana stood up quickly and held out her hand for her girlfriend.

‘What?’ Valentina asked.

‘Please come show me where this laundry room is?’ Juliana asked, grinning down at her girlfriend, excited to explore somewhere she hadn’t before.

‘You’ll find it easily, it’s just next to the kitchen.’ Valentina shrugged. ‘And ask Chivis to show you if you can’t find it.’

‘Oh, ok.’ Juliana sighed at her girlfriend’s unwillingness to help but she then leaned forward to place a loving kiss on Valentina’s forehead, ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’

Juliana picked up a bundle of dirty towels that were sitting by the door waiting to be washed, the first load of many that needed to be done. Before heading out of the room, Juliana quickly turned and blew a kiss at Valentina, who smiled back at her.

 

............................................................................................................................

 

Valentina smiled gently as she watched her girlfriend, laundry in hand, blow her a kiss and then almost run towards the stairs in excitement.

But as soon as Juliana was out of the room, Valentina’s face dropped as she remembered her own embarrassing naivety. Of course she knew having a laundry room wasn’t normal, of course she knew she was incredibly lucky, and yet, sometimes, she forgot just how spoilt her life was and came out with stupid lines like ‘Where else are you supposed to do laundry?’.

Valentina groaned to herself. She hated how at times, she forgot about how spoilt and rich she was. She had only really become aware of it since she met Juliana, she was always aware of it, she always knew she was wealthy, and that she was fortunate to live in such a nice house, but it didn’t worry her, until Juliana came into her life. Someone who told her stories about what it was really like to grow up without a lovely house and a lovely family. Someone who explained what it was like going without food just so she could afford new stationary for school. Someone who explained what it was like to wear shoes even if the soles had worn through.

So it was completely reasonable that at first, Juliana had resented Valentina’s wealth. Juliana had stormed off when Valentina had offered to help by approaching the family company to get Juliana a scholarship so she could attend a school. Juliana had argued that she didn’t like charity or feeling pitied. But the next day, Juliana apologised for her reaction, explained that she didn’t want to feel bought by Valentina, but then realised that Valentina wasn’t like that. So, to apologise, she gifted Valentina a beautiful top which she had made, which Valentina then wore to Guille’s birthday party.

Valentina knew that Juliana had forgiven her that time because she had acted with her best intentions at heart – she hadn’t meant to pity Juls, she was just trying to help. And she was.

However, from that day forward, Valentina was hyper aware of her privileges. And every time she felt spoilt or did something that showed of her wealth, Valentina began to feel guilty. And worse, Juliana was annoyingly great at quickly brushing it off, at telling Valentina that it didn’t matter. Valentina knew her and her family's wealth annoyed Juliana sometimes. Juliana never said anything, but Valentina could tell she was sometimes uncomfortable when they ate at expensive restaurants or went shopping for designer clothes together.

And even when Juliana explained time and time again that she knew that Valentina wasn’t trying to buy her off, every time she insisted that she knew Valentina wasn’t like that, Valentina couldn’t help feeling a little guilty. She knew Juliana loved her too much to let it become a reason that could separate them, and Valentina loved Juliana back, but Valentina hated it whenever she did something that sounded like she was spoilt, like today.

Valentina was particularly spoilt when it came doing laundry. She absolutely hated doing laundry. It was such a chore. Literally. She hated doing it, so she didn’t do it. Chivis did it all for her. And although Chivis had showed her how to do it several times when she was a teenager, Valentina still didn’t do it, she was too lazy and luckily enough, she had someone who did her laundry for her without complaints, even if she was now probably old enough to do it herself.

Valentina sighed and picked up her phone again, trying to distract herself from being embarrassed about being spoilt.  

 

............................................................................................................................

 

Juliana sighed as she got to the bottom of the stairs, realising she was hesitant to go look for the laundry room herself. Valentina’s advice of ‘it’s just next to the kitchen’ didn’t help Juliana when she knew there were a million doors near the kitchen, some of which Juliana had never entered. And Juliana felt nervous about opening doors in case she wasn’t allowed in them. She had never been told not to, but she still felt like the Carvajal mansion wasn’t her own home. It was Valentina’s home, she just stayed there often, so it felt odd to explore it without her girlfriend by her side.

Juliana set the pile of laundry down by the bottom of the stairs and decided to find Silvina instead. As Valentina suggested, Silvina would show her where the laundry room was.

As she glanced right and left for any sign of her girlfriend’s housekeeper, Juliana sighed again. Silvina wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Juliana hated how she could never find anyone in Valentina’s house, it was too huge. Silvina could be anywhere; outside, in the studio, at the swimming pool, even back upstairs.

Juliana considered calling her name or even going back upstairs to get Valentina to help her find the laundry room. But then Juliana spotted someone sitting out on the terrace.

It wasn’t Silvina, it was Valentina’s dad, Leon, but he would be able to help Juliana on her quest to find the laundry room.

Juliana’s brain took a few moments to register that Leon was his name. Her brain automatically wanted to say El Chino, and then almost wanted to say Jacobo and then finally, it landed on Leon.

All the body swapping and resurrecting and mistaken identities still messed with Juliana’s head. It still messed with both Valentina and Juliana’s heads, but it was slightly harder for Juliana because every time she saw Leon, she saw her father’s body. And Juliana associated her father with a lot of negative emotions. El Chino had caused her and her mum so much grief and had treated Juliana with such malice.

But now, someone in the same body of her father interacted with Juliana with kindness and respect. That was difficult to process at times because every time Juliana spoke to him, her body reacted primitively, it always seemed to be preparing itself to fight a violent outburst.

Slowly, as time progressed, Juliana became more comfortable with it, but it was still a bit weird. The fact that Leon was grieving for Lucia didn’t make things easier. Sometimes, Juliana felt awkward because she never knew Lucia, and yet she was important figure in both Leon’s and Valentina’s lives, and they both missed her terribly. At times, they both walked around the house like zombies, and Juliana didn’t know what to say as they mourned for a person she never knew.

It also didn’t help that Leon was her girlfriend’s dad, which was a somewhat awkward relationship for anyone to navigate. So, Juliana had to breathe deeply to prepare herself before asking Leon for help.

‘Leon?’ Juliana asked, nervous to disturb the man who sat at the table on the terrace engrossed in a book.

Leon looked up and smiled warmly when he saw Juliana standing there, nervously fiddling with her fingers. Leon had watched as Valentina, devasted after his ‘death’, had grown depressed and turned to drinking to get through her days and nights, but then had slowly started to light up again, largely thanks to Juliana’s presence.

And, from the first time they had interacted during the hurricane in San Antonio, Leon could tell that Juliana had a fiery spirit, a loyal personality but was also full of kindness, much like his own daughter. So, Leon had started to grow fond of his daughter’s girlfriend.

‘Juliana, what can I do for you?’

‘Please can you show me where the laundry room is?’ Juliana explained quickly, ‘Valentina and I, we – we need to do laundry, but I can’t find Silvina and Valentina – Valentina is up in the room, not being very helpful…’ Juliana smiled awkwardly.

‘Sure.’ Leon set down his book, stood up and then smiled at Juliana’s comment as he walked towards her, ‘Valentina’s not being very helpful?’

‘Well…’ Juliana said quietly, not wanting to get her girlfriend into trouble.

‘Don’t worry.’ Leon smiled reassuringly, sensing Juliana’s nervousness as he leads Juliana back through the living room towards the kitchen, ‘I can imagine. Because sometimes that daughter of mine can be very stubborn.’

‘I don’t think she wants to do laundry, so she’s not showing me where the laundry room is…’ Juliana shrugged her shoulders and then paused to retrieve the pile of laundry she had dumped in the hallway. She then dutifully followed Leon into the kitchen. 

‘I love my daughter…’ Leon commented, smiling broadly as they made their way through the kitchen, ‘But she’s sometimes a little lazy. I know for a fact she doesn’t like doing laundry… In fact, I honestly don’t think Valentina has been in this room for a while.’

Leon paused to open a door and then switched on the lights and walked in.

Juliana had obviously known of the concept of a laundry room, and watched enough movies, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of a room dedicated to washing clothes. There were three washing machines, three dryers, a drying rack and an ironing board laid out neatly in the small but still sizeable room. Even an empty table in the middle of the room, that Juliana assumed was sitting waiting for clothes to be sorted on it.

Dumping the load of laundry on the table, Juliana couldn’t help being impressed as Leon explained everything to her.

‘Washing machines are there, and those are the dryers…’ Leon said as he pointed around the room, ‘And all the laundry detergent is in that cupboard there.’ Leon nodded towards a cupboard to his left.

‘Cool, thank you.’ Juliana said.

‘Do you need me to show you anything else?’ Leon asked kindly.

‘No, I think I’m good, but thanks for your help.’ Juliana replied, still slightly amazed and dumbfounded, staring in wonder around the room. For Juliana, laundry was a chore. She liked clothes and she liked fashion design, but laundry was a chore, but not if you had a room liked this.

As Leon went to turn and head out of the door, Juliana had an idea.

‘Actually, I’m uh – I’m gonna go get Valentina to help me.’ Juliana explained as they walked back out the room.

‘Well, good luck with that!’ Leon laughed loudly as they made their way back through the kitchen towards the hallway. His eyes twinkled at the thought of his daughter finally helping with the laundry, thanks to Juliana, ‘Maybe while you’re there you could teach her how to use a washing machine!’

‘Maybe!’ Juliana laughed as she moved to walk up the stairs, ‘Thanks again, for uh – showing me where everything is…’

‘No problem, Juliana.’ Leon replied, still smiling warmly, as he watched Juliana walk up the stairs and then nodded, ‘Good luck with Valentina.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! The positive feedback really motivates me to keep writing so thank you! :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I’ve written in years, so I hoped you enjoyed it. 
> 
> E x


End file.
